I know i have been slack recently with posting but i should be back soon. My cable for my internet connection has been ill :-( so i bought a new one today but i have to wait for next door to get home so i can install it and enjoy the goodness that is the Internet and of course blogging :-D
I'm using Lucas's computer at the moment to blog :-D
Talk to you soon
Cheers
Luke
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
Getting Stoned... :-P
Well i have some recent additions to my jewellery collection. Purchased by Gerard who bought these for me before going to Brissy from the funeral. I have been wearing them constantly.
First of all we have the Gold Sunstone, it is supposed to help with achieving goals and also
I love my stones, i have been feeling better since wearing them a lot. Thank you Mr Gerard for purchasing them for me when i needed them, and still do. They shall be and feel like are helping me through this period :-D
Cheers
Luke
First of all we have the Gold Sunstone, it is supposed to help with achieving goals and also
- Give you extra energy when you are ill or under stress
- Stimulate sexual arousal and increase sexual energy
- Increase self-healing power
- Promotes harmony among the organs functions
Sunstone stimulates your personal power of attraction.
Then we have the rose quartz bracelet
- Rose quartz is known as the love stone
- Strong healer of the heart
- Makes an excellent friendship gift
- Fertility crystal
- Encourages helpfulness, self-love, romance, ability to love
- Fulfillment of essential needs
I love my stones, i have been feeling better since wearing them a lot. Thank you Mr Gerard for purchasing them for me when i needed them, and still do. They shall be and feel like are helping me through this period :-DCheers
Luke
Sunday, July 6, 2008
The Night of the Jungle Party
claustrophobic
Relating to or suffering from claustrophobia.
Uncomfortably closed or hemmed in.
Usage Problem Tending to induce claustrophobia; uncomfortably confined or crowded: a claustrophobic little room.
anxiety
A state of uneasiness and apprehension, as about future uncertainties.
A cause of anxiety: For some people, air travel is a real anxiety.
Psychiatry A state of apprehension, uncertainty, and fear resulting from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation, often impairing physical and psychological functioning.I have thought about it, recently...and i have thought about it before in the past.
____________________________________________________________
Last night there was eagerly anticipated Jungle Party. I was excited about this and was for a while, until it came to the actual party evening.
In the past i wasn't to overly worried about these parties...but this one i knew would be very different, and the obvious factor is that i was not with Gerard as my partner.
Previously in the past i have always had him to go up to and hug and hold and just cuddle up to him and i knew that i was safe and everything was going to be ok no matter what happened. Mind you nothing in the past has drastically happened but it was nice for him to just be there when i needed him, which was a regular thing. But this night, (i had rang Gerard earlier in the day and let him know) Gerard had told me that he would still be there for me, he would walk me home like he used to in the days of old before we were partners and what not. I said ok and although still feeling uneasy about it all i ended up going.
This is where the definitions come in.
There have been certain times in the past especially at Scott's house where i have felt claustrophobic and have had very minor anxiety attacks. I remember one time i just wanted to get up and leave, for no apparent reason to anyone else i just stood up and let a couple of people know i was leaving, there was just to much happening around me and in my head i was screaming to go so i did without hesitation. Another time when is when we were both leaving and there in his hallway and kitchen i just could not move literally (Ihate that hallway!), i was holding Gerard's hand which made me feel oh so much better and safe.
Last night there were quite a few people there, i think the usual amount plus a few more for one of Scott's major parties. I tried saying to myself the time i was there that i was going to be ok. When i first arrived i tried to mingle about said hi to everyone like i usually do...when i got to the lounge room i plonked myself down on the couch...in the corner no less, (bad luke bad! *slaps hand*) worst thing i could do especially with something that i could hug, that being the monkey, as me hugging something incessantly in scenarios like that (also pillows are like that too) means although im not totally comfortable i still enjoy looking around and viewing the area. But then more people came around me in the lounge room...towering over me sometimes...and also just watching everyone drink...people said i should have more, but in the state i was in i thought it best not to...would have made it worse. Also the noise level of people and the music, it was getting way to much for me...also watching Gerard go about and just being himself and more with everyone else...yeah. I decided to get out downstairs fresh air...well as fresh as it can be with the smokers down there...so that being the case i went for a walk. I didn't come back...i couldn't. I didn't want to go back there. My night was over, i was fine with that...i didn't say goodbye to anyone at the party though except for most likely Geoff. Sorry about that.
I enjoyed the party while i was there, don't get me wrong. But i just wasn't ready for it...ready to be there as a single guy. I was just very uneasy about certain things and with so many people, i was crowded.
The definitions i gave, they are somewhat, i think i suffer from, not majorly mind you but in minor details.
Or i could be just carzy :-D
Cheers
Luke
Relating to or suffering from claustrophobia.
Uncomfortably closed or hemmed in.
Usage Problem Tending to induce claustrophobia; uncomfortably confined or crowded: a claustrophobic little room.
anxiety
A state of uneasiness and apprehension, as about future uncertainties.
A cause of anxiety: For some people, air travel is a real anxiety.
Psychiatry A state of apprehension, uncertainty, and fear resulting from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation, often impairing physical and psychological functioning.I have thought about it, recently...and i have thought about it before in the past.
____________________________________________________________
Last night there was eagerly anticipated Jungle Party. I was excited about this and was for a while, until it came to the actual party evening.
In the past i wasn't to overly worried about these parties...but this one i knew would be very different, and the obvious factor is that i was not with Gerard as my partner.
Previously in the past i have always had him to go up to and hug and hold and just cuddle up to him and i knew that i was safe and everything was going to be ok no matter what happened. Mind you nothing in the past has drastically happened but it was nice for him to just be there when i needed him, which was a regular thing. But this night, (i had rang Gerard earlier in the day and let him know) Gerard had told me that he would still be there for me, he would walk me home like he used to in the days of old before we were partners and what not. I said ok and although still feeling uneasy about it all i ended up going.
This is where the definitions come in.
There have been certain times in the past especially at Scott's house where i have felt claustrophobic and have had very minor anxiety attacks. I remember one time i just wanted to get up and leave, for no apparent reason to anyone else i just stood up and let a couple of people know i was leaving, there was just to much happening around me and in my head i was screaming to go so i did without hesitation. Another time when is when we were both leaving and there in his hallway and kitchen i just could not move literally (Ihate that hallway!), i was holding Gerard's hand which made me feel oh so much better and safe.
Last night there were quite a few people there, i think the usual amount plus a few more for one of Scott's major parties. I tried saying to myself the time i was there that i was going to be ok. When i first arrived i tried to mingle about said hi to everyone like i usually do...when i got to the lounge room i plonked myself down on the couch...in the corner no less, (bad luke bad! *slaps hand*) worst thing i could do especially with something that i could hug, that being the monkey, as me hugging something incessantly in scenarios like that (also pillows are like that too) means although im not totally comfortable i still enjoy looking around and viewing the area. But then more people came around me in the lounge room...towering over me sometimes...and also just watching everyone drink...people said i should have more, but in the state i was in i thought it best not to...would have made it worse. Also the noise level of people and the music, it was getting way to much for me...also watching Gerard go about and just being himself and more with everyone else...yeah. I decided to get out downstairs fresh air...well as fresh as it can be with the smokers down there...so that being the case i went for a walk. I didn't come back...i couldn't. I didn't want to go back there. My night was over, i was fine with that...i didn't say goodbye to anyone at the party though except for most likely Geoff. Sorry about that.
I enjoyed the party while i was there, don't get me wrong. But i just wasn't ready for it...ready to be there as a single guy. I was just very uneasy about certain things and with so many people, i was crowded.
The definitions i gave, they are somewhat, i think i suffer from, not majorly mind you but in minor details.
Or i could be just carzy :-D
Cheers
Luke
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Hello
Well, here I am.
I have been gone for some time... things have changed and are changing...the year so far has been a whirlwind 2 significant things that have happened in my life thus far is well as you may have noticed, Gerard and I have separated but we do both feel that one day we will get back together sometime in the future :-)
The other as of late is with the passing of my Grandmother at the age of 75 she passed away on the 21st June 2008. It was unexpected. Both Gerard and I travelled up to Brisbane for the Funeral, Gerard agreed to go with me when I asked and all I can say is that I was ever so happy that he was there, he kept me grounded and was there for me at every moment. Least to say now that the entire family relatives and friends know about my sexual orientation (as I was with Gerard most of the time holding his hand and hugging him) which i don't mind. I was pleased with everything in Brisbane, i had created the Program for the Funeral and put together a slide show of photos of Grandmother. Everyone liked it. I also got up at the funeral and read some things from the bible which i was fine with and i was also a pallbearer which was most difficult to do and the song she left to was Looking Forward and Looking Back by Slim Dusty.
So Yeah...
There has been some difficult times in the first 6 months of this year...so here I am, waiting for the Great in 08 to hit me on the bum and say hello...
Cheers
Luke
I have been gone for some time... things have changed and are changing...the year so far has been a whirlwind 2 significant things that have happened in my life thus far is well as you may have noticed, Gerard and I have separated but we do both feel that one day we will get back together sometime in the future :-)
The other as of late is with the passing of my Grandmother at the age of 75 she passed away on the 21st June 2008. It was unexpected. Both Gerard and I travelled up to Brisbane for the Funeral, Gerard agreed to go with me when I asked and all I can say is that I was ever so happy that he was there, he kept me grounded and was there for me at every moment. Least to say now that the entire family relatives and friends know about my sexual orientation (as I was with Gerard most of the time holding his hand and hugging him) which i don't mind. I was pleased with everything in Brisbane, i had created the Program for the Funeral and put together a slide show of photos of Grandmother. Everyone liked it. I also got up at the funeral and read some things from the bible which i was fine with and i was also a pallbearer which was most difficult to do and the song she left to was Looking Forward and Looking Back by Slim Dusty.
So Yeah...
There has been some difficult times in the first 6 months of this year...so here I am, waiting for the Great in 08 to hit me on the bum and say hello...
Cheers
Luke
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